Apparently, God thought cycles to be a good plan. Day, night. Winter, spring, summer, fall. Evaporation, condensation. Life, death, rebirth. Mankind has taken God's concept of cycles and run with it. Bicycles. Chain saws. The calendar. Cycles are all around us, and as part of our everyday life as breathing. Yet sometimes we resist these cycles and cause ourselves pain. The cycle of homeschooling is not exempt from these natural laws, and acknowledging the many inherent cycles can give peace to an otherwise discouraged outlook.
I recently attended a talk at church given by an old friend whom I consider wise. I hadn't seen Diana in fourteen years, but we've been exchanging Christmas cards across the country all this time. As former head of catechetical ministry at my church, she was the first person I met there when I went searching for community. At our first meeting, she spoke to me in her confident Southern accent about the liturgical year. Diana showed me a colorful wheel with the seasons of Lent, Easter, ordinary time (the "long, hot summer"), Advent and Christmas. I will never forget how wide my eyes became as she explained the big picture of the cycle of the Church calendar, suddenly giving meaning and place for all the holidays and traditions that I so haphazardly celebrated. She gave me cycle.
In her recent talk, Diana focused on preparation for Lent, the Church's springtime. She spoke of our own seasons of generation and retreat. In looking through the viewfinder of an entire life, there are years when we are more generative, making children and making plans. Then there are later years when we may retreat to be closer to God, letting others make the children and the plans. Zooming in more closely to shorter periods of time, generation and retreat are built into our calendar. We generate during the day; we rest at night. We generate on the weekdays; we retreat on the weekends. We generate during the school year; we retreat during summer and holidays. As long as we follow these cycles without resistance, we are open to feelings of peace and contentment.
It is when we resist these generative and retreat cycles that problems arise. Too much work and no play make Jack a dull boy. Too much play and no work make Jack a jerk. Consistent generation without break causes burnout, depression, fatigue, and a desire to quit. Extended retreat without production causes chaos, guilt, shame, and resentment. Honoring our cycles and rising above our mood-driven nature allows us to stay balanced on the generation-retreat cycle, and remain balanced in our emotions and surroundings.
There are cycles that occur in the background of our lives that affect our outlook as well. Long ago I recognized a cycle of excellence that permeates my teaching. Sometimes I was spot-on with planning, preparation, execution, and results. Other times it is all I can do to produce the minimum required. It is at these minimalist times that I am tempted to feel discouraged, outraged at myself, guilty, and desirous of quitting. Fortunately, I have a free token that I am able to use at times like these. It is called, "This too shall pass." I was given this wisdom as a child, and it has served me well in my life, bringing a token of optimism when it is needed most.
Homeschooling as a form of education does not have a monopoly on this cycle of excellence. Every school child has good years and bad; good weeks and bad; good days and bad. Every teacher is subject to the same. The difference is that homeschooling can feel like running a marathon alone. If there is no support, or someone to validate you (including yourself), then it can be easy to fall into discouragement during the low ebbs in the cycle of excellence. A homeschooling teacher can feel so singular in the huge responsibility of raising up a child in the way he should go, that it can be overwhelming.
In the eight years that I have struggled and succeeded and struggled again, I have learned two things about the ups and downs: respect the generative-retreat cycle, and accept the ups and downs in the excellence cycle.
I recently spent two weeks staring at the wall. I had no motivation to do much of anything outside of my own interests. The laundry piled up; the schoolwork stacked; and dirty dishes appeared as food disappeared. I beat myself up for my apparent laziness, and I was as discouraged as I can get. I knew it would pass, but it sure was taking its sweet time. One day as I was writing to a friend about how busy my life had been the last four months, I realized the problem. I had run for months with too much going on, and had worked evenings and weekends to get it all done. Instead of using evening and weekends to regenerate, I was using them to generate more. As soon as my projects let up, I let down. I had burned myself out, and my body and mind were forcing me to take a long overdue break. Unfortunately, that break caused more chaos and it took much longer to pull out. I had not respected the generative-retreat cycle over a period of several months, and the outcome was burnout.
Of course, my excellence was impacted hard by this burnout. But even with a balance of output and rest, the cycle of excellence goes on with a mind of its own. As a teacher, I know that when I accept the times that I do not shine, I more quickly get back in my game. Accepting a student's ups and downs presents more challenges. It is so difficult to accept a mediocre paper from an outstanding student. But sometimes mediocre papers happen, and pushing for perfection each and every time is going to impact the psyche of the student. Conversely from the student's perspective, expecting perfection from himself can also cause problems. When a 98% is failing according to the child, it is time for a good chat. Teaching acceptance of cyclical excellence and mediocrity (i.e., not every test will be 100%) will do more for the perfectionist child than the extra effort to keep the wind in their idealistic sails.
Respect and acceptance. Works for more than cycles. It reminds me of a homily that I heard at a friend's wedding. The priest said, "All you must do is treat each other with love and patience. Love and patience. Nothing more is required, and nothing less works." Respecting your natural cycles is a form of loving yourself. Accepting your natural ups and downs is a form of patience with yourself. The system seems to work when I follow it. Apparently, God thought cycles to be a good plan.